Tuesday, April 13, 2010

"Children rob you of your identity."..

A woman said this to me once.
I was at an art opening with my honey daughter then 4 and my beautiful newborn son. I was talking to her as she was the mother of an old school friend when another lady came up and said "Oh hi Jemima i remember you, you're an artist too." I said "ha in a past life" and that's when it came out, my friend's mum said "Oh children rob you of your identity"
My daughter got into strife with some juice and i had to run off so didn't get a chance to reply, but at about 2am that morning i sat up in bed absolutely fuming.
How dare she! What! Aaaaarghh!
All this and she is a mother of two....
I seethed for weeks, everytime i thought of it i got madder, but it did make me think - what is my identity.
Children rob you of sleep, of disposable incomes, of the luxury to go to the bathroom with the door shut but not identity.
I really searched within myself and what i have come up with at this stage is that before i had children i had no idea who i was. They are a part of my identity as i am a part of theirs. My children add richness and character and laughter and have given me more inspiration for art works and creativity than i had previously known existed.
Of course i now have zero spare time, but if you love something and it is a part of you and creating is a part of mine then you find ways to wedge it in. Turn off the tube, do craft with your children, whatever you have to do...


  1. How lucky are you to be born in a time where you don't feel "robbed" of your identity. Maybe this lady's comment was more about her life than yours. Years ago many women felt that they missed out because they were expected to give up careers and look after the children. It's a joy to read you blog Jemima.

  2. Thanks Marilyn. Maybe i do need to put her age into the context of the comment as you say. In the end she did me a favour as it caused me to search myself , as is the case with lots of things that make us mad lately i've found.